Good days and bad

some days the pain is unbarible. I often wonder if it would have been better if I actualy lost my arm and leg in the accident. I know that it is crazy to think like that. But if you had to live with the pain I get on a regular basis you would understand. when I talk to my doctors and physio team they just tell me “You will have good days and bad” Well its days like today that I wish the good would come more often

Fatherhood

Here I am just days away from becoming a father. I hate to say it but it feels bitter sweet. Not because I am unhappy or scared to be a father. I love the fact that in just a short period of time there will be a new baby in my life. It’s just that I don’t know how well I will be able to handle all the extra work with my injuries the way they are. I am still in a lot of pain it even seems to have become a bit worse in the last month or so. I really hope that I will be able to do everything a father should do with his son. I really hope I will be able to help my wife as much as she needs without feeling like I am in the way or useless

Reflection

Since the accident I have had a lot of time to sit around and think. I have been forced to think about the future and what it holds for me and more time to reflect on what has happened in the past. I still find myself waking up in cold sweats my heart racing because I just had a dream or nightmare about the accident I don’t think they will ever go away.

Well I have been thinking of the past I have been drawn to thinking about weather I have made a difference, would it have changed anything if I wasn’t here and if so how. Just the other day I learned that my work had lade off a few staff. One of these people was a guy that helped fill in when I had the accident. I was thinking about it and it really hit me, I know that everybody is replaceable but you like to think that it would be hard to get someone to fill your shoes. When I had the accident it was the Friday of a long weekend there was no work on Monday. I am not sure how long it took for my boss to find out about it but I do know that Tuesday morning they had rearranged the staff so that my job would be done without any really noticeable change. Ya there was a visual change with the shuffle of staff but within hours I was replaced and the job was done almost seamlessly.

As I look into the future I don’t know what to expect. I have been told to prepare for the fact that my life will be different. I will always have a hard time with the heat and cold which is great seeing that my job is done in a freezer. I may not be able to lift anything that has much weight to it, this has really hit home in the last couple of weeks as my wife and I are having our first baby. I was talking to my physio about this and how I am worried how things will go, will I be able to carry the baby around. After this conversation the physio went out and got a weight to carry around as part of my therapy, it ways 10lbs and is around the size of a newborn baby. As a joke I brought a sleeper in and put it on the weight all the staff in the clinic call it baby JJ taking pictures and showing other clients

I have come to the realization that I will not get much better then I am now. I hope the pain will eventually subside and I can find a way to deal with my new disabilities. I know I will be able to overcome them as when I look around they are much less then other people have to deal with. I have seen many people who can’t walk at all or missing an arm or leg I still have my arm and leg. Yes they have restricted use but at least I do have them and can at least partially use them

The other day I was watching TV as I was getting ready; they were talking about random acts of kindness. I have always tried to be kind whenever I could but my reflection on my life has made me feel as if I could be more kind in many ways and will try to do this even more as I believe seeing other people smile will make my life much easier

New Beginings

The last couple of weeks have been interesting. After months of my medical team telling me to prepare for the possibility of not being able to return to work At least the job I was doing I have started school. It’s been 13 years since I was last in school and I find it a bit scary. I started part time in a general business program thinking I could use these courses no matter what area I go into in the future. I could also use this in my personal business as I really don’t know all the ins and outs of running a business. On that note I was thinking about my Business www.pocketpair.ca the other day and how I could improve sales so I put an ad on a web site that I like to check every once and a while. Not sure how it would work I thought I had nothing to lose so I went ahead with it well in just a couple of days from that one ad I nearly tripled my sales from last year. I know its not that much of an accomplishment as my sales were not that high last year but at least it’s a start and I can only billed on it from here   

Deceived and Paying for it

Today started out great. I was in a good mode and not in much pain. When I woke up I felt energetic and ready to go. So much so that when I was waiting for my groceries to come I decided to clean the house. I worked on it for a couple of hours till the groceries came. Well working I started thinking that this was great maybe I would be able to get back to my life after all. After the groceries were delivered my wife and I went out and registered for the baby. It was great to finally get that done……..or at least started

 

Well! When we got home and decided to sit down and watch a movie. Then it hit me, I definitely over did it. Every injury I have started to hurt not just oh my knee hurts but stabbing pain in each of the areas injured in the accident. I have not been in this much pain or discomfort since I was in the hospital.

Bring on the new year

Looking back on this last year there has been some good news and some really bad news.

 

- Jan 1 2008- My mother in-law became sick causing her to be off work for several months only to return part time for the rest of the year

- Just a couple of months into 2008 my wife’s brother and son came to live with us on a part time basis due to problems at home

- In the early spring my brother in-law fell down the stairs of his house caring his youngest daughter cutting her head and his arm both needed surgery to fix the injuries

- Aug 1 2008 well driving to the cottage with my Wife, Mother and Father our car was hit by a tractor Trailer Pinning me under the wheels of the trailer and collapsing my seat on my mom’s feet we where both trapped for over 2 hours when we where freed I spent 72 days in the hospital and had 3 surgeries luckily nobody else was seriously hurt

- My Wife’s sister became sick with the parvo virus

- Sept my brother lost his job dew to a problem with his license

- My Uncle passed away

- October My Father was informed his work would be closing there doors and he would be out of work as of Dec. 31^st

 

On a brighter side

 

-My Father in-law retired from work

- My wife’s Sister bought a new house much larger and nicer then the one they previously lived in

- My In-laws paid off there mortgage

- I started my own business (although the accident killed sales)

- After 3 years of trying my wife and I got to celebrate her pregnancy

 

Now I say Farwell to 2008 and welcome 2009 with open arms. I wish everybody a safe and happy new year.

Holding On For Life

It seems that every time I go out I can feel my hart race and see the tears form in my eyes when I first was released from hospital my wife and I would use a certain cab company to go any ware we needed to go. Then my insurance company set up an account with a different company to take me to my numerous medical appointments. This new company is great the cabs are always clean and comfortable. My wife and I found ourselves telling others how much better this company was to the other. It seems like the cab drivers are trying to make us eat our words the last few cabs we have taken have been horrible. they are tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic and trying to send there gas petal through the floor. Tonight I thought I was going to rip the handle off the rough of the cab as he was speeding up behind a bus and swerved at the last second so that he didn’t hit the rear corner of the bus. I thought that was it we would hit the bus and be back in the hospital again. Luckily this did not happen and we arrived at our destination alive

 

I can’t wait for my driver desensitization to start!